Mad Hatter

I was falling even though I was walking on concrete.  I was falling.  Every step I took - unstable.  At anytime I could fall into the deep dark hole that was waiting for me.  My heart was working hard, like when someone sneaks up on you, faster and faster.  I keep racing.

Maybe it’s the crowd of unfamilar faces. Seeing bodies moving quickly like they were shadows. Hearing the sound of talk, but not understanding what they’re saying. Neon lights, smoke slowly evaborating overhead, and the jukebox playing some legend, but not mine.

I wanted to read my sign in front of all of dem non-believers. I wanted to read my sign, and my spell to anyone that would listen.  I wanted to tweet/podcast that I keep losing myself in space.  Like I’ll start staring into nowhere for long periods…especially distracted.

Even though I’ve not had a long spell in awhile, I can still hear the whisperings, and I still want to terminate my mainframe.  I can hear myself saying, even when I’m preparing for school or looking forward to Cardio, all the things I want to do with my cells.  The feeling is still there.  Unprovoked, I will suddenly get this error message flashing in red, TERMINATE.  Sometimes,  I don’t even need to see.  I’ll suddenly feel it inside of me, this terror that covers my body, making my bones weak.

Someday this week, the inside of me was falling apart.  I could hardly hear outside my head.  The feeling reminded me of  my own conspiracy theory that I’m really still sleeping in my bed, and this is all a dream. It’s almost like Alice’s Mad Hatter placed one of his mind-controlling hats over my head (like in Batman) and created all of this.  The only reason I know is because I saw the glitches.  The glitches, like the ones when a movie switches from one scene to the next.

When I wake up and realize that I was only sleeping — my arms and legs immobile, my mainframe won’t fathom the surreal fantastic.  My existence won’t be an illusion fading as I exhale the cigarette smoke.  My only weakness won’t be being human — capricious, irrational, and deadly while I’m cornered. 

Waiting for the sun to rise, when it has already set.  Looking through the eyes of torment and calling her art… beauty.  Trying to tame sound, when I’ve always been deaf.

Sweet Maker

First, blame will pursue you for everything you can’t control
and everything you can’t control adds up to a magnified monster
beneath your dreams, magnified as one singular, pet peeve.

But what kind of existence is that? Does it make for adulthood
a well trained dog perhaps? An artisan of a war to come, however
small to come, treading lightly, but eventually exploding as an unforeseen bomb.

Then, this honeymoon of pull and submit, scared by scorn
restrained by the way space makes you regret, when the only
shame is in a smite, so sorry this will be your place. Inside and out.
The world will have its say on our marriage as if we invited them. Like a homemade porno.

After, if we go, so blind and mindless of our thoughts, so reckless
with each others existence, we so go anew, drunkard and stupid
suffering the end of a tale so tall that it allows us not to wonder
drowning our roots, our branches break with such blight
with no remedy to really mend, to mend us for the road that comes
it will be the proof of our submission.

Summer Music

Adulthood is an illusion. It is an uncomfortable suit of clothes which makes us stiff and complex and at odds with life which is fluid and simple and wondrous.  Paul Squires

I’ve been somewhat neglecting the music out there. With everything that’s been going on, tracking down bands seemed pretty juvenile, but then again, you need music in your life, especially now (see previous music posts here).

So in no particular order here are some talented artists that are neither an illusion nor juvenile:

Renminbi’s Surface.  It’s pronounced REN-MIN-BEE (rénmínbì; literally means ”people’s currency”), and they are an experimental, post punk rock band from NYC.  Their EP Surface just dropped and it’s amazing.  Produced by Don Fleming who agreed to work with the band after a myspace message (I’d like to see a copy of that myspace message!), the album makes you want to curl up with your headphones on and zone out into your own world.  These guys are currently on tour.  Faves: Honestly, I love every single one of these songs. 

 

 

 

 

 

PJ Harvey and John Parish’s A Woman A Man Walked By.   I’m a sucker for PJ Harvey, because it seems like she can never do any musicial wrong.  Every album is a new sound, a different story.  Some may find this album daunting, but I find it very gutsy and courageous.  In this album she teams up with John Parish and you hear a less restricted, a more free PJ Harvey, as she manipulates her voice to different vocal styles.  There’s actual screaming in this album!  Faves: Black Hearted Love, The Chair, The Solider, Passionless Pointless.

 

 

  

 

The Horrors’ Primary Colours.  The Horrors is a British five-piece garage band that I discovered on emusic.  They combine the punk with the expriemental, sometimes reminiscent of Joy Division.  Faves: Mirror’s Image, Three Decades, Who Can Say, Scarlet Fields, Primary Colours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ungdomskulen’s Bisexual.  For the life of me I can’t pronounce their name right, and it’s embarrassing because I’m always like, “OMG you have to listen to Ung…!”  Ungdomskulen is a three piece Norwegian rock band.  They combine a very satisfying mixture of new wave, prog rock and jazz.  With solid syncopated beats, gritty guitars, phat baselines to move your hips to, and infectious vocals that sound familar, but I can’t put my finger on  (if only the IPhone would come out with an app for that), I’m always drenched with sweat dancing to my interpretation of their songs.  Faves: Sleep Over Beethoven, I Dunno, Osaka, Only In Novels, Teenage Tritonus.

 

  

 

White Rabbits It’s Frightening.  The White Rabbits is a six-piece indie New York band.  I must admit at first I wasn’t that into the White Rabbits because for some reason them having two drummers annoyed the shit out of me, but on their latest album, this annoyance seems to be fading.  On It’s Frightening , they sound a little Spoon-ish, no surprise there since Spoon’s lead singer and guitarist Britt Daniel produced the album.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Faves:  Percussion Gun, They Done Wrong/We Done Wrong, Company I keep, Right Where They Left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Passion Pit’s  Manners because I couldn’t resist the catchy lyrics, and 80s pop synthesizers mixed with a touch of R&B and house music.  Definitely songs to dance to. Faves:  Little Secrets, The Reeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Animal Collective’s Merriweather Post Pavilion.  Animal Collective is just that, a musical collective based out of Baltimore, Maryland.  I love their music because it’s  not pretenious, not over the top, but  takes the kind of risks that I appreicate in a band.  The title of this album is homage to one of the best outdoor venues in the Maryland/DC area. Faves: Summertime Clothes, My Girls, Daily Routine, Bluish

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show

My band (Telenovela Star) is playing a show this Friday, and I must admit that I’m a little nervous. Nervous, because it’s been a year since we’ve played out in front of anyone. The feeling kind of reminds me of when I performed for the first time.

It was for a Carnival event that my elementary school put on. I was like six or seven, and I was competing in the Calypso Competition. I remember staying up late the night before practicing with my dad. He wrote the lyrics and the melody. I remember thinking that it was a really cool song. I had dance moves.  I even had back-up singers, awesome.  Most of all, I had my dad singing to me.  I’d look him in the eyes, while he sang the song to me.  That was the best part.

When it was my turn to sing, I was completely terrified. I was so afraid. When I got on stage, I totally froze up and couldn’t remember the song that I lived and breathed for months. Honestly, maybe a shot would have calmed me down.

Anyway, DJ Mojo is responsible for my band’s end of hibernation.  Our last show for ‘08 was in celebration of his birthday.  And we’re doing it again, this Friday.  We’re playing July 3rd at 11:00pm at the Delancey.  If you’re in the city, come celebrate and see me freak out!